So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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