Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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