The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
