just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
40s are totally the cure
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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