dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's the barista slut.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
