Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
