Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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