i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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