; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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