So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
