I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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