I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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