just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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