I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
