he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
