You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
