remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
