Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
