Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
