the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
