not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
