someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
