I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
