an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
