He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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