So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
