I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
