sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
