as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's shark week go big or go home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
