i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
