I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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