His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
