I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
