I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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