I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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