You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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