awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
