i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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