i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
