My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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