just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
