Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
