his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
