he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
