My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
