I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
