I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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