you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
