also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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