Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
