Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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