dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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