A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
