he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
