I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
