that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
