For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am available for nakedness
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
