I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The power of my boobs compel you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
