clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
