I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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