so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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