you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
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he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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