wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
