I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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