I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
