how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
