so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
