I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
