I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
