all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
