Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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