Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
